Addiction

October 13, 2010 at 8:41 pm (Uncategorized)

Writing is a compulsion for me.  I used to write before I even knew how to write actual words; I’d just scribble lines across the page in what I thought was cursive handwriting.  Filled tons of pages with whatever story was in my head at the time and even though no one but me could ever know what it said, I loved every minute of it. 

I wrote obsessively in school – a 1 page essay would inevitably turn into 10 or 12 pages.  In third grade I came in 2nd place in our classroom storytelling contest, not too bad considering how terminally shy I was at the time.  In high school, a writing exercise designed to develop our “voice” was submitted by everyone without names (only id numbers) on the subject, “The thing that most scares me is…”  I wrote 20 pages from the point of view of a man stalking a teenage girl.  The judge who read it was so concerned about this obviously obsessed boy, that he wanted to get help for the writer.  Luckily, my teacher recognized my handwriting and reassured him that I was not some crazy boy, not a stalker at all but simply a very “creative” writer… they were right about the obsession, though.  I never got past that obsessive writing. 

Writing became my vocation and my avocation.  In every job I’ve ever held, whether it was a writing job or something completely outside that field, I have added some sort of writing component to it – writing articles for professional journals, writing ad copy, writing lesson plans, even writing procedural manuals.  I’ve volunteered writing time to dozens of organizations and events.  I’ve even written things for people who didn’t even ask for my help (picture me frantically pushing written pages on unsuspecting people).

I can’t help myself.  It’s an addiction.  I feed that addiction in a multitude of ways: notes to friends, work emails, facebook posts.  But like any addiction, the glow has faded over time and for some time now, writing is simply the obsession of trying to feed that need and hoping to recapture the high.  I’m trying to find that joy again, the high of expressing myself in a way that makes my heart soar with excitement when I sit down at the keyboard, the creative rush that makes time disappear and the disconnect between my heart and mind dissolve.

And thus, this blog.  It is to be my free-writing place.  A place to empty my brain of whatever is clogging it, in hopes that I will then be able to write more freely and joyously in all aspects of my writing life.  I have no idea whether anyone will be interested in following this writing quest to recapture my joie de l’écriture but you are all welcome…

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